Five Sisters Take Vacation
Five sisters gathered at the little local pub in the tiny town of Channing, Michigan. Having lost both of their parents a few
days apart and only recently, they thought they’d try to maintain some family closeness and unity. Connie is the oldest, 49, next in line, Barb, 48, Kris, 47, Judy, 45, and Kelly, 35. the two brothers, 43, and 29. Yes the baby, Don is 29, twenty
years younger than the oldest. (Rhythm method in this Catholic family failed).
The girls decided to
make plans for a vacation together, no brothers, no husbands, no kids were invited.
This would be a “sister” trip. The five will travel in Barb’s
mini-van with just enough luggage for a week, and drive across the states via Canada to the East coast: destination Cape Cod.
It was decided mutually
that each sister would have a responsibility. Connie took charge of the beverage
cooler. Beer and whiskey was neatly tucked at the bottom of lots of ice in case
the vehicle broke down in a dry county. Kris had the duty to organize luggage
and pack up the van and still fit the five women. The luggage would have to be
tied to the top of the van and covered with a tarp. Judy’s task was to
manage our money. The kitty was enormous with each girl tossing in her gross
monthly earnings. All duties were out leaving Kelly with none.
The trip was underway,
all five women laughing, chatting, and singing; loving each other and the thought
of time away. The Ontario drive was uneventful and pleasant. Vermont mountains
were spectacular. Kris bought mayple syrup, Judy bought shirts, Barb and Kelly
enjoyed the pubs, and Connie strolled the village streets. Then off to New York City. They took the train into Grand Central Station, walked 5th Avenue,
saw the Empire State Building, visited Broadway, and enjoyed the bustle of the unfamiliar bit city life.
After four hours of walking, lost in the city, not recognizing the Empire Building, and after having eaten and drinking
at a pub, the women decided to head for the train station. They were followed
by a homeless street vicitim and harassed by a gang of hoodlums. Being exhausted
they finally found their way back to Grand Central Station. It was the general
concensus that New York City had enough visitors; these small town women
would just cut the heck out of here.
The women made their
way to Cape Cod
after a harrowing experience in downtown Boston on a Friday afternoon. The five women two
days ago, loving and smiling, were now somewhat disliking one another and frequently frowning.
The cape would do good for the girls though. Kris and Judy spent hours
on the beach. Connie spent her time in the hotel bar, and Barb and Kelly at the
beach bar. The sun was warm and days were peaceful.
The van was securely packed
up once again and time to head west toward home. The last leg of the vacation
would prove to be the most streesful times of their lives. In the van,
after five days of close contact, tensions had surfaced. The driving and directions
seemed to be in constant error. The cooler was never stocked properly, as the
contents changed from pop and beer to very potent Canadian liquor. The munchie
bag was nearly empty, and the money kitty was almost depleted. Suitcases were
bulging with souveniers and extra clothes bought. The nerves of the women were
frazzled, and home was only two days away.
It was time to head to
the Michigan border. Queen’s highway, six lanes one way, was very busy at 4:00 on
the way to Michigan. Kris decided to pick up the driving duties, after having spent relentless
hours on securing the baggage to the top of the van. Alll five women now only
wished for home; even their kids and husbands were more appealing than before. Cruising along at 120 kilometers/per hour, Kris noticed a tugging at the wheels. A car sped by with a passenger flailing his arms out the window and pointing as though
they new the Michigan women. Barb thought it was the Packer bumper sticker. Finally someone was in agreement with football teams; they
must be getting closer to home. Another car sailed by with the same type of gesturing
passengers. Suddenly, Barb looked back to see something like a large purse being
run over by a vehicle. Then another piece smacked up on the windshield of another
vechicle. The women saw out the rear of the van pieces of luggage being crushed
and spewn about. Horns were blaring and motorists passed with arms waving out
windows and displaying numerous other hand gestures. All the girls at once, yes,
indeed, it was their luggage flying through the air and into the paths of following cars.
Kris steered the van to the side of the road, and the ladies accepted their fate.
They each in their own quiet and selfish manners envisioned their own precious treasures in their bags. After a moment of dull realization, looking at the broken luggage straps, the women suddenly raced to the
highway and tried desperately to stop the speeding vechicles. Bits of broken
suitcases, tidbits of souvenirs, and clothing of all sorts were being tossed from the hoods of cars. Kelly, as she thought of the new spring coat she recently purchased, watched as it flew by encircled in
a tire of a fast moving car. Kris, thinking of the maple syrup, screeched at
the sound of crunching glass as contents of her bag was crushed by an 18 wheel truck.
Barb thought of the only iron she owned as it was being flattened by a Toyota tire.
Judy shouted, “my new suitcase”! as it was being shred apart. Twelve
hundred cars sped by the women, and only one man stopped to help the women. He attempted to stop the traffic long enough to
remove some of the litter from the highway. The young man assisted in retrieving
clothing, bits of luggage, and all metal dangers. After a few moments of mad
scrambling, only a few undergarments remained on the highway, which the young lad refused to gather. Standing along the highway
amidst the rubble, Kelly cried, Judy cursed, Barb sat down, Kris feared the rage of her sisters, Connie opened a beer. A passerby yelled out “loose your luggage”?. Connie yelled back,”no we’re having a F*** yard sale!”
The ladies dragged the
tarp of left over baggage to the hotel. Connie decided it was dinner time, Kelly
and Barb decided it was Miller time, Judy and Kris decided it was “give it up time”. The girls headed for the bar. The day of lost luggage was
traumatic, but the day did not end without more hazardous events. The bar and
grill had tablecloths made of paper bag like tops meant for pencil doodling. Connie
leaned back, lit a cigarette. The peaceful moment was interrupted by a shriek
from Judy, “Connie!, Fire!”
Connie’s lighter erupted into flames and started the table top on fire. Tossing whiskey on the flames only fueled the fire; thus creating
more fire. After the smoke and dust settled, damage was minimal. Connie had black
fingers, Judy’s tears had dried on her face, Barb’s heart had calmed a bit, Kris had a few more gray hairs, and
Kelly grabbed another beer.
The sister vacation came
to a close as the van entered the US customs. When asked about purchases and
identities, the immigration attendant was much relieved to allow passage for the five Michigan women after listening to a few lines
uttered about no luggage, no food, no items.
Five sisters and two brothers
gathered at the local pub six months later. They brought maps and charts to plan
the next vacation,.
